I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
