Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
