I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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