But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
