Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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