Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You can't just leave with hair like that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
