I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
