he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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