i jhust puked up my retainher.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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