Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
