i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
