OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
