my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
