he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
