How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You dont lie about slip and slides
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
