dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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