things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i think i just lost a toe
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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