Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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