Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
