Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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