My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
