I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
