I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
