Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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