He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
