Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
zippers are such a cool invention
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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