You really coming over, don't trick.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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