TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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