We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
