My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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