I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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