the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
