i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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