After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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