K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
