I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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