can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
