He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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