your room smells of hookers.
And success
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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