He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
