i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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