Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
