just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
