In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
