I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
