I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
