we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
