her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
