Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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