Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
