yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
