my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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