Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
