This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
