Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
