She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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