there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
