Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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