wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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