im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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