I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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