I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
