I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
