If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
