That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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