butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Your mouth is God's brothel.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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