i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
