I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
