I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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