I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
