Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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