You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
