ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
