I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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