Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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