I need to stop coming to work sober
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
